Sacrificing your happiness for another’s is a tell tale sign of codependency.  One persons over responsibility and another’s under responsibility can yield awful results. Codependent relationships work as covering up for other people’s bad choices, making the other feel the need to constantly fix or rescue them from their problems.

The unfortunate reality is that you have no control over anyone’s behaviors but your own. The good news is that there are many regimented 12 step groups to help you feel better and detach with love. Detach is an acronym for don’t even try to attempt to change her or him. Fear is an acronym for two things, face everything and rise, and false evidence appearing real. When we live in the acronym ego, we are edging god out. When we are in fear we are usually living in self will and not giving it to our higher power to handle. When we want to fix it ourselves, is when we get in trouble.

These relationships stem from the fear of being criticized, abandoned or rejected in childhood. It usually leaves both partners feeling unfulfilled, resentful, and taken advantage of as well.

The best way to gently detach from a codependent relationship is as follows:

1. Don’t nag or criticize, and give them the dignity of their identity crisis.

2. Listen, don’t try to fix his or her problems. They are capable of working on themselves by themselves. Unsolicited advice is not recommended.

3. Try your best to not enable unhealthy behavior that will hurt both you and your codependent.

4. Respond vs react.

5. Leave if you feel like your safety is at risk or you are scared from uncomfortable behaviors.

6. Do not engage in arguments by any means possible. This means disarming them by saying, okay let me think about it and I’ll get back to you, or leaving the room, or leaving the house.

7. Work on creative activities and hobbies that help you build your self esteem. Since you have no control over anyone but yourself, continue to put the focus on you.

8. Get help. There are therapists, health professionals, 12 step groups, and others that are going through or have gone through your situation before and can help you out. Ask your doctor for some recommendations or search around in your area for help. There are many non profit groups that relocate to healthier environments.

How have you detached from codependent relationships?

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