When I look back on my life, many relationship patterns seem to stem from the toxic relationships in my immediate family. And unfortunately, disease was and is still very present in my family of origin. Roles were reversed, drama was high, and it never felt like my basic needs were taken care of.

Years later comes a great sense of self awareness that I have never had before. I have learned that I am responsible for my actions alone, and that I have no control over others agendas.

I find it hard to set boundaries with others, and always seem to let other walk all over me. The good part is that I am aware and know that I need to change, and that self care is critical.

Here are 12 things I need to remind myself as I recover:

  • I can’t get hung up on something I can’t repair. For example, I cannot fix anyone else’s problems but my own.
  • People are not waiting for me to roll up with my genius. I need to keep my ego in check and focus on my recovery.
  • My family disease makes me tell myself that I am not good enough, which is far from the truth. Would what I say to myself be something I would say to my best friend? If not, my thinking needs to change.
  • Prioritize self care for a better life.
  • People’s opinions of me are none of my business.
  • Other people’s programs are none of my business.
  • We are taught our needs are not important, when they are and may not have been met in many years.
  • We are taught that our needs don’t matter, when they do.
  • We are taught that we can’t take care of ourselves, when we are capable.
  • We are taught that we can’t do anything right, and we’ve reviewed that statement and discovered that’s a lie.
  • We are taught that we don’t what’s best for ourselves, when we know what is best for us (not others).
  • We are taught to take care of others without thinking of our own.

Becoming self aware really reminds me that I have the power to create my own life, rather than submitting to the system and expect that system to figure out my life for me.

I realize that being an adult means becoming aware of my own shortcomings and improving daily.

Being a responsible adult means that I can be gentle with my recovery and allow myself the time to heal.

Being an adult means understanding what is not meant for me is not meant for me.

Healing from familial abuse is a process, and it is good to take it easy on yourself. Keep it simple, one day at a time.

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