Putting out fires for other people became my FULL TIME JOB in my 20s and 30s. I nominated myself for every solution as I had one for PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING.
I ended up annoying others, and most importantly, annoying myself.
Why did I have the need to solve other people’s problems? Let’s bring it back, WAY BACK.
I was the oldest of a very big family that seemed to function in disfunction and chaos. There were often urgent situations that needed solving, and Inwas the superhero ready to SAVE THE DAMN DAY.
I carried this character trait through my relationships and career, with the distinct need to solve everyone else’s problems while at the end only the day Infelt depleted and empty.
The way I functioned was putting the bandaid on others when I only really truly had control over my own actions.
I had to take responsibility for myself, and understand that unsolicited advice is annoying for me too. LOL!
I had this epiphany more recently and it my old ripe age of 40 the smoke is starting to clear. I have a better picture of who I am, character defects and all.
It takes a lot of effort for me to be still. I am a doer. I like to be busy. But I find that the busyness was actually distracting me from myself.
The good news is that this is a lifelong journey, and I don’t need to solve all my problems in a day. Anticipating fires and retroactively replaying old tapes in my head doesn’t agree with me either.
I need to focus on what I can control in this very moment and what I cannot. I need to take baby steps to new resolutions, but also don’t force solutions that are not ready for me yet.
I need to keep calm and move along or even stay still and sit with the feeling. As we know, feelings aren’t facts and thoughts are not things really.
Staying neutral is my goal. I also allow myself to grieve and heal.
Once I stand still, the solution comes to me.
How have you stopped forcing solutions?
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