41 Funny Fortune Cookies | Leverage Ambition

I love finding a wise fortune cookie, but I absolutely LOVE finding a really funny one! It’s always nice to have a great unexpected laugh especially when you need it.

  • To truly find yourself you should play hide and seek alone.
  • Ignore previous cookie.
  • Help! I’m being held prisoner in a Chinese bakery.
  • If you eat something and nobody sees you eat it, it has no calories.
  • Wouldn’t it be ironic to die in the living room?
  • You’d better sleep it off!
  • The fortune you seek is in another cookie.
  • About time I got out of that cookie.
  • You can’t have everything. Where would you put it all?
  • When in anger, sing the alphabet.
  • You are the crispy noodle in the vegetarian salad of life.
  • You will go on a date with a beautiful woman. She could do so much better.
  • You will be hungry again in one hour.
  • Perhaps you’ve been focusing too much on saving.
  • The end is near, and it’s all your fault.
  • Shame on you for thinking a cookie is psychic.
  • You just ate out.
  • Here are the winning lottery numbers for September 3, 2021: 6,7,12,45,57.
  • This cookie fell on the ground.
  • Error 404. Fortune not found.
  • Someone ahead of you in line will pay with a check.
  • You need a mint. Like. Bad.
  • If it seems fates are against you today, they probably are.
  • Your pet is planning to eat you.
  • You are not illiterate.
  • You will receive praise for a job you didn’t do.
  • You laugh now, wait till you get home.
  • An alien of some sort will be appearing to you shortly.
  • A foolish man listens to his heart. A wise man listens to cookies.
  • Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
  • It could be better, but its good enough.
  • Only listen to fortune cookie, disregard all other fortune telling units.
  • Ask not what you r fortune cookie can do for you but what you can do for your cookie.
  • It’s hard to stumble when you are on your knees.
  • Pigeon poop burns the retina for 13 hours. You will learn this the hard way.
  • A man with brown eyes has a surprise for you.
  • No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.
  • Eating Chinese food alone? At least it’s not Valentine’s Day.
  • When you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out – because that’s whats inside.
  • Meh.
  • You will be lucky in love or not so lucky. I really don’t know.

What is your favorite (mis)fortune cookie?

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