Boundaries are sometimes hard to stick to when you are so used to being a doormat or fixer for others. The reality is boundaries are necessary to set for your personal growth.
For many years I was giving out free advice and time to others negative situations. I was a magnet to drama so much so that my friends would call me the Situation. You know the Jersey Shore situation? Lol, what an insult!
It made me look deeper into my character flaws and led me to looking at myself and my behaviors, how I got them, and how I can heal from them.
A big part of my healing was detaching, and here are 8 ways to do just that! Onwards and upwards!
1. Stop worrying about things and people you can’t control. Today I was in an important meeting and I was presenting. My internet cut out a few times. Instead of getting angry, I said it is what it is. Many people commended me for my bravery and loved my share anyway, so maybe the intermittent breaks really got them to listen. I have no control over my internet connection, so no need to get hung up on things I cannot control. Same goes for people. I cannot control my husband’s workload, nor do I need to. He has to take control over his work and I have to take care of my job. There are two separate situations where I only have control over my thoughts, feelings, and actions and no one elses!
2. Stop obsessing about what other people think of you. You are you for a reason, and your differences make you unique and beautiful. You shouldn’t be more like someone else. You need to accept your quirks and character flaws and own them, learn from them, and move on. Problems continually resurface when you have not fully learned the lesson yet.
3. Stop gossiping or having negatively based conversations with others. When you obsess on the negative, you become negative. Do you notice that too? When you focus on the positive, positivity comes out and shines. Keeping your focus on the good and healing from the obsessive negative thoughts that usually stem from your own insecurities needs to stop. Own yourself and own your behavior and move on. Learn the lesson and heal.
4. Stop making excuses for taking care of your responsibilities. Taking care of yourself starts with you. Owning your day and taking the baby steps is key to get through it. Somedays it is hard to shower, but you have to do it. Somedays it is hard to meditate, but you have to take care of yourself before taking care of others or you will burn yourself out and get resentful. Self care is essential for growth, and grooming yourself is necessary to start and end your day.
5. Do not put off important doctor appointments. This is critical. I have a tendency to put off health appointments for fear of hearing the worst. I don’t like doctors offices and I would rather hope I self heal than have to go and face the music or potential of it being bad news. We need to be brave and ask for help when we need it.
6. Stop ignoring the need to balance your time. Growing up in a bigger family, I never had time to be myself or take care of my needs. Rather I was programmed to help others instead and when I wasn’t helping others did I even exist? Being outside of myself was not healthy so I never gave myself the opportunity to find out who I was or how to set boundaries to take care of me. Taking care of me was selfish. Balancing your day and time is essential to growing yourself in a more meaningful way. Respect yourself by respecting your schedule. Make time for you.
7. Stop expecting others to read your mind. I find it hard to express my feelings often mainly because I never thought my feelings mattered, mainly ly because in my dysfunctional upbringing they didn’t. I have the tendency to bottle up things when someone hurts or offends me. Communicating my truth and expressing your feelings in a mindful way from a place of love will help others understand your truth. When you can be honest with yourself, you can be honest with others too.
8. Stop not following through with personal plans. Your word is your bond so honor that. Only make commitments to things you truly want to do, and don’t do things you do not just to people please. It is important to take care of yourself by not making plans with people you do not want to hang out with and especially those that do not respect your boundaries.
How do you respect your boundaries and say no? Let us know, we could all use the help!
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