Jack Canfield notes that it can be hard to forgive and let go but it’s important to remember that harboring the resentment and holding a grudge can hurt you even more. The word ‘forgive’ really means to give something up for yourself not for them.
There is a quote how anger resembles fire. Like the fire, if you keep feeding it, it will get stronger and harm you. If you stop feeding anger with your attention, it will fade away.
It is important to let go of grudges to heal yourself. First you must recognize the triggers, and cut that person out. You have to understand their opinion, but realize how the resentment affects you. Notice the way your body and mind feel, what are you telling yourself during the triggers? It’s important to listen to the narratives you tell yourself, and validate those feelings but also reevaluate them truthfully to see the bigger picture.
The resentment may have been unconsciously dormant, but the negative thoughts and feelings still remain. The first part of the healing process is awareness, rather than denial so you are on the right path. Understand that there is no time line or deadline that needs to be hit, you can heal on your own time. However you need to go through the feelings and triggers to get a different perspective about it and let it go.
Let go of emotions, relationships, and situations that you know are not allowing you to be happy.
John Piper says that occasionally, weep deeply over the life you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Then wash your face. Trust god. And embrace the life you have.
Our older belief system says things like oh that person ruined my life. The newer belief system says that I will not allow another to destroy my life. This makes us realize that this is our decision to heal intentionally and cut people out that are not serving our best selves.
When we hold this ball of resentment in our hearts, we are bound to the person or circumstance by strong emotional bonds that can only be released through forgiveness.
Forgive and be free!
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